INDESCRIBABLE PAIN

Ryder's pre-school picture (I forgot it was picture day, hence the shirt)

I am confused. The night before Thanksgiving, Ryder only slept for 2-3 hours. No fever. No cold. Ears are fine. He began screaming and crying earlier that day and was very inconsolable. The day turned to night, and he couldn't sleep. He was very agitated. I massaged his tummy, listened for bowel sounds with my stethoscope (didn't need to, because you could hear them without it), I "ran energy" on his tummy. It helped a little. He was very clingy and didn't want to be left alone in his dark room. He was terrified and sobbed until he couldn't catch his breath. As I apprached his door, I noticed it was shut all of the way. I assumed Ryder was scared, even though he had a bright nightlight. I just held him for awhile until I HAD to get some sleep. Bill's turn. He was in terrific pain, but could not express to me where the pain was. I assumed it was his tummy. He did have some gas.

The next morning was Thanksgiving day, and we were preparing to go to my mom's house for the feast. Ryder was hand flapping wildly(he normally does NOT do this) as if he were possessed. It was so scary. He would scramble up me and cling to me as if he were trying to get away from the pain or something. He would actually try to climb over whomever was holding him, like he was running for his life. It was so hard to see. We had given him some gas drops and a tiny bit of Pepto--but there was not much reprive.

In the van on our way to Grandma's we heard an enormous, deep belch from behind our seats, followed by vomit spewing all over. Luckily, Bill caught most of it with a blanket. "Roll the windows down!" the kids screamed. I breathed a sigh of relief, and Ryder seemed a bit better, until we got to Grandma's and the hand flapping and screaming started again. Grandpa and Bill gave him a blessing.

Ryder settled down and just layed on Grandma's bed all day moaning and swaying his head back and forth.

I wondered if I should have taken him to the ER, but this has happened two other times this past year that I can remember. The doctors will just send us home and say, "treat the symptoms" and "remember he will flap his hands, he is autistic".

Then came the diarrhea. It wasn't too bad, we've dealt with worse. It is so hard to see him in pain, and there is absolutely nothing I can do except pray. Since then, he has not been himself. Dark circles under his eyes, he seems to be unsteady and I wonder if some of this is related to seizure activity. His eyes were dilated. His lips have been chapped with dark dead skin. If the GI system begins with the mouth, then do the black lips have something to do with it? Or is it just fibers from his red blanket that he uses?

He finally slept on Thanksgiving night, with the help of Melatonin. The next morning he was hoarse from screaming. Yesterday he did not want to be held and was very quiet all day. It is as if he regressed back to when he was a baby. It's as if his brain gets "stuck" in a wierd gear and he can't eat or sleep.

Usually when he has gas pains he'll cry a little angry cry and he might rock or stim more than usual. But this is unreal. Last February, this happened for two weeks! After three dr visits and being sent home with heartburn medication, I had had it. No more. Stupid.

I'm still trying to figure it out. Diet? Probably. I need to pay more attention, I guess. I've been trying to contact the DAN dr, but he's been out for the holiday.

Sometimes I wonder why this sweet, pure, innocent child has to suffer this way. I wish I could take his pain away.