DAMAGED GOODS?

I finally received Mason's recent psych eval results and unfortunately he still has PDD-NOS. I was REALLY hoping he had grown out of it with all of the therapy and stuff. His IQ has decreased, his attention is undiagnosed ADHD, (dr didn't want to diagnose him--although he said he's sure he has it) and tics and a major phobia have developed in the past year.

There isn't a day that goes by

when I don't ask why.

Sometimes I feel like I'm hitting my head against the wall over and over in the same spot and all of these therapies are pointless.

I really believe that the higher-functioning ones have a harder time with it all. Because they are so close to being neurotypical. If people didn't know, like my hubby's situation growing up, they would be labeled as "lazy", "stupid", "indifferent", "isolating", etc., etc.

I forget that the P in PDD-NOS stands for "Pervasive" . The definition of pervasive is: "to spread throughout". So, where Mason is age 9 (next month) but his social skills are that of a 4 year old, and his adaptive living skills are that of a 5yr 10 month old, I need to parent him accordingly. I need to remember not to expect him to clean his room the way other boys do at his age. I need to remember that he is like a four year old when he plays with other kids. This makes sense because all of his friends are younger than him. It's hard to raise a kid when you don't even know how old they are in all of the catagories.

So what happens when they get older and can't keep up with their peers? Or will they be able to keep up with tons of therapy and teaching?? So many unanswered questions. Sometimes I just want to have a break from the worry and wonder of it all. I guess that's a parent's job, though.

For those who would like to know, the following is taken from the Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders. (I would not catagorize PDD-NOS as a "mental" disorder, however)

PDD-NOS

Definition: Pervasive developmental disorders are a group of conditions originating in childhood that involve serious impairment in several areas, including physical, behavioral, cognitive, social, and language development.

Description
Pervasive developmental disorders (PDDs) are thought to be genetically based. The most serious PDD is autism , a condition characterized by severely impaired social interaction, communication, and abstract thought, and often manifested by stereotyped and repetitive behavior patterns. Many children who are diagnosed with PDDs today would have been labeled psychotic or schizophrenic in the past.

So in the past, I would have had three psychotic kids and one psychotic husband? Wow. Glad I live in this day and age. That is a tender mercy.

I still search for the answers why. I think it is just human nature. How do you NOT grieve everyday for what could have been? I need to get to that point somehow.

Sorry if this post is a bit of a downer. Yes, I'm still on my meds. :)

It all started this morning with the sounds of Ryder moaning in the front room at 6:30am. I went to him and realized he had puked out both ends (if you know what I mean) and that was the beginning of my day. It's all good though. I did manage to find a La-Z-Boy recliner at a garage sale for only ten bucks. And, no, it was not damaged by secretions like my father-in-law put it.